I love us always.

I am aware that this month has been full of a range of feelings. Acceptance, joy, disappointment, sympathy, anxiety, fear, hope, and mistakes. But because you're not giving up, I'm so proud of you. Despite the mounting difficulties, you remain optimistic. Even if life is difficult, you still find hope and find beauty in everything.

I know you are tired. You've had restless nights, you've never considered giving up. Instead, you put in more effort each day. I admire your everyday accomplishments. It is getting harder and you still manage to get through it, which is a success in and of itself.

I know how hard it is just to survive the day. People around you may not have noticed it, but I am aware of it and I am so proud of you. I know you question everything. Every decision made, and I am glad you are smart and you choose to use careful planning in making decisions. This life is not easy. It is not easy to share the big decisions you are about to make. You have trouble sharing it with your husband and were afraid of his reactions. And I am proud of you for telling him so beautifully and so organized that even if you are not fully convinced by that decision, you convinced yourself while telling him.

I know how thankful you are when you see your children in their beds in the deep hours of the night sleeping very peacefully. That picture makes you smile and be thankful for what you have. You feel so lucky that you forget that you cried a while ago. You wanted to stare at them longer. You want to hug them all night. I know you wanted that. I know also that you are guilty because you are not spending a lot of time with them and they are growing very fast. That is making you so sad. I know you are avoiding that thought, but I know that.

I know the reason why you do not want to take the vitamins your husband has been giving you every morning and evening. Because you love him so much and you do not want to give him the trouble of giving you meds twice a day. You are terrified of his love. So terrified that one day you will lose it and you do not want to cry over the small memories he is sharing with you. It is okay to feel that love. Fear is there, so just pray.

I know that you wanted to message your mom and tell her your problems. I know you wanted that so badly. But you are afraid of what she'll tell you. That she will tell you things you do not want to hear, and it will make everything worse. It is okay, we will deal with that. Let us give her gifts first and it will be okay. You know your mom. She's not perfect, but she is still your mom and I know.

I know that you have your monthly period now, so instead of talking to Allah (SWT) like what you used to do, crying to Him, you find yourself writing this blog post instead. You want to comfort yourself and you have no one to talk to, so you end up talking to yourself. It is okay, I love you. I am always there for you.

Just be yourself always. Have more patient, more challenges are about to come. Remember, that one day I will make you so proud so never give up okay? Never lose hope. Everyday you are one step closer to who you want to be. Every hardships and tears will all be worth it.

I promise that everything will be okay soon. Just be patient. This will all pass, I promise.

Be strong.

You are loved. Please do not forget that.

Love,

Khayra